mostly probably

I work for attorneys. I love my job. I really do. It is stress and makes me want to scream and people are crazy, but I like it. I think this is because I am a yellow and like pretty much most things. The red in me gets frustrated. The yellow in me wonders what is bugging Red so much. I don’t know what it is about law offices that strikes me as being so interesting. It could be that pretty much everyone is crazy, but the truth is I love my bosses.

Attorneys all love each other. The only people that my bosses will talk to without knowing who they are and what they want are other attorneys. My typical phone call routine is: “Law Office, this is Brittany, how may I help you? No, the attorney is unavailable at the moment. Can I help you with something?” If it’s a client, I try to help. If I can’t help, I take a message. If it’s an attorney, I snicker awkwardly and say, “Oh yes, Mr. Whatsaface, he actually is in.” I will then buzz my boss, tell him an attorney is on the phone, and a half an hour of school-girl-type giggling can be heard for the next half an hour.

Then there was the one time that I was at lunch with a friend. My two bosses were walking ahead of us and my friend says to me, “They are a pretty cute couple. Look how happy they look together.” I just laughed. I did not tell my friend they are my bosses, two married (to women) men. It would just ruin it. I did tell my boss, who looked at my other boss, who told me my friend is hereby unwelcome at the office. But pretty sure I caught a special glimpse pass between the two of them.

Attorneys are quirky. I recall working at a law firm a few years ago where my boss told me that no one should ever listen to country music. He then amended his statement, a special twinkle in his eye, as follows: “Except for Shania Twain. She can really sing, Brittany. She can really sing.” He made himself mixed tapes of every obnoxiously good old-man song ever. I have the fondest memories of sitting outside his office, listening to him sing along to Hamilton, Joe, Frank & Reynolds, Hall & Oates, and Gordon Lightfoot. His favorite of all time was Mamma Mia! but Shania held his heart.

(It goes without saying that when I got divorced, this is the attorney I went to first. And I’ll be darned if he didn’t give me a big hug and sit and talk with me for a good hour and a half about everything. Good fella.)

Attorneys like money. They do. Particularly more than the average person does, I think. My boss told us at staff meeting one day that he goes into the parking lot sometimes and weaves around the cars looking for change people have dropped. After a particularly good day of this vagabond-like behavior, he said, “I should take everyone out to lunch.” He never did. And by “everyone,” as it turns out, he meant “just me.”

So pretty much I’m feeling gross because I just wrote a blog about attorneys while I’m at work, all consumed with attorney-type stuff. I’m going to go home and shower. The end.