I’m not one to
make keep New Years resolutions. That is not what I am doing. What I am doing here is looking back on 2013, which was a bit of a suck year, analyzing why that might have been, and changing it going forward. Here are some of my hopes for 2014.
In 2014, I hope that I can talk to more faces. I’m introverted, hate small talk, struggle in groups, and really only talk a lot when I have something to say. The internet is a good place and also a really awful, horrible place for people like me. There are always articles to look at, snark at, and battle over on Facebook. I love and hate Facebook for that reason. There are people on Facebook who bring drama, people on Facebook whose friends bring drama, and people who are just asking for drama, and I don’t want that. So I quit. With my “friend” count 11% lighter than it was five minutes ago, I can move forward into 2014 feeling a little bit cleaner and a lot more comfortable.
I hope to be less concerned in 2014 with being right and more concerned with being good. 2013 was full. Full of miscarriages and big decisions, a big move (for us) and fighting. All of these things caused me to feel things, and when I feel things, I offend people. I realize that. I have the wrong type of personality for practically everyone. This gets me in trouble on Facebook, with my husband, with my daughter, with family members, with everything. So I would just like to stay out of it. This may come as a shock to many people, but the internet is not a great forum for delivering bad news, for airing out grievances, for telling everyone else they’re wrong. I’d like 2014 to be the year that I really do learn the difference between not caring what people think and not caring that people think you’re wrong. It doesn’t matter. I don’t have to be right. Other people can be right. Maybe they are. I have no experience with that.
I hope that 2014 makes me feel a little less sad. I felt miserable for much of 2013. There were a lot of reasons for this, which I’m not going to get into, but I hope that in 2014, I find myself a little more happy and a lot less sad. I feel jealous and angry for things that other people have, feeling like I’m doing something wrong, but the Catch 22 of it is that what I’m doing wrong is spending so much time being jealous when I kind of have it made! I’ve spent so much time despising people who have what I want. Sometimes it’s so much easier to hate people for what they have that you don’t than it is to just appreciate your own life.
I would just like 2014 to be the year that I become a better friend. Not just to my friends, but to my not-friends-yet. The year that I just do right by people, and that means letting them win every once in a while. I have so much stress from worrying about feeling right, about being right, and thinking about all of the decisions I’m making that are superior to everyone else. I have a reverse inferiority complex. I guess instead of looking down on people for their decisions, or what they are failing to do, I should just not worry about it. If I see someone doing something that I don’t agree with, I wonder why I feel like I have to interfere. Why I have to have a comment about it. Why I have to talk to people about these things that other people who are not me are doing. Why does it bug me? Why does it matter? And why shouldn’t I just let it go?
In 2014, I hope to just let it go. I am overly concerned with making sure dishes get done, that my house is clean at the end of the day, that I am not consistently pulling all of my clothes for the day out of the dryer or the mountainous pile of clean laundry from days before. I am a little too controlling, a little too bossy, about a little too many things. And this is primarily concerning my house and the relationships I have with my husband and daughter.
My prediction for 2014 is that as I learn to cleanse from my life those things and people who are not motivating or inspiring or kind, I will begin to become one of those people I envy—those people who have it all. I hope a year from now, I get to look back on the year 2014 as the year that I was wrong and also very, very happy.