confessions of a thrower upper

The following things did not occur today:

1. I did not cry when asked what my long term career goals were.
2. I did not cry when asked what my short term career goals were.
3. I did not cry at any time for any reason. I wanted to cry when I went to Interview #3 for a tech support position and they gave me an eight-page test asking me to interpret impossible programming code. Instead, I opted for thinking of all the sundry ways I could kill my bfish for telling me the only valuable information I would need to know in preparation for the interview was what FTP is.
4. I did not cry when the mechanic told me that the $400 oxygen filter had to be replaced in the Blackest Ninja/my Honda.

That is a lot of not crying. Please tell me you’re impressed, because I am. On the other hand, the following things did occur, and I should probably own up to them now:

1. I did suffer a panic attack after Interview #3 was over. I guess it’s better it happened after the interviews rather than before or during. Usually the only things that help curb a panic attack for me are cookies or doing laundry.
2. I did eat through my pseudo-grandparents’ entire cookie supply in an effort to thwart off the “three interviews in one day without bursting into tears and/or spontaneously combusting” demons that were threatening to eat my soul all day long.
3. I did do an unearthly amount of laundry. I even took the sheets and blankets off my bed and took some perfectly clean clothes off of their hangers before heading to Interview #3. The logic is simple. Three job interviews in one day = three times the anxiety = a whole lot of extra laundering.
4. I did get hopelessly lost on the way to Interview #1. Good thing I left an hour early. (In case you were wondering, I often leave for interviews an hour early. I have found that driving while listening to Hoobastank loudly enough for the Chinese to hear helps me not vomit chunks of anxiety.)
5. I did fill in some of the stupid test questions with responses like: “The term does seem awfully familiar!” and “I do believe I have heard of Perl before.” Hopefully the interviewer just thinks Jonny has a funny girlfriend and not a crazy one. Crazy would be accurate, but we don’t want to make him look bad. Do we? Hmm. I do wonder.

That’s about it for today. I have a second interview tomorrow with Interview #1 people (actually, Interview #1 people and Interview #2 people are the same, just different positions). The test should be easier. It’s for an administrative assistant job and I’m all sorts of familiar with assistant-type job functions. I can fetch Mountain Dew from the cafeteria with the best of them!

that’s it

Today was a good day. I knew last night I should go grocery shopping, but I was saved at the last minute by some girls in my ward who invited me over for breakfast. Following breakfast, I went and checked out the comments on my blog and Amanda had invited me over for her baby’s #1 birthday party. And if this is not the cutest face you’ve ever seen then you probably have no soul. Or at the very least, a teensy tiny one that never manifests itself. Ever.

Anyway, I don’t really have much to write. Some good things about today would probably include getting to see Amanda, and getting to see Amanda again for lunch tomorrow. Two Amanda days in a row! I’m not quite sure what to do with myself.

Some more good things about today. I actually went to Stake Conference. Riley texted me reminding me to go to church, which was awesome because apparently I’m inactive. (Joking, Riley!) For the record, I’m not apostate.

Um, let’s see. Oh yeah. So I actually did go to church today, and I actually was all ready for church when I got Riley’s text, lest any of you think reminders to attend actually help. I even went to Stake Conference. Does anyone else out there seem to think Stake Conferences are like free or “church optional” days? I always have but I went anyway. Please applaud me in your heart. Thank you.

Some other points of interest of the day include: I listened to Hoobastank’s new album, “For(n)ever” in its entirety for the fifth or sixth time in the past three days and heart it with all my little heart’s heartiness. I don’t know how it’s possible that Anberlin and Hoobastank both came out with the most amazing new CD’s ever so close to each other, but indeed they did, and I think they did it on purpose. You know, in honor of me and what not.

Another random interesting thing that I happen to love today. I did my hair curly. Naturally, I got sick of it after about two seconds and pulled it back in a ponytail. Little did I know that my little messy ponytail was going to be the cutest one ever invented!

So on my way to Amanda’s house, I tried in vain to get one decent self portrait of my cute messy ponytail. And this is what we’ve come up with. I look very serious because I was driving 75 mph down I-15 when this picture was taken. And I’m serious about not dying. But I’m also serious that this is the cutest ponytail ever created. So I’m torn.

And that, my friends, is the most pointless blog ever. Now please find me something to do. Because I’m bored and I ran out of good things today.

Hi, 2009!

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Got divorced!
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Nope, my resolution last year was to get pregnant. That never happened. I don’t think I’ll make more this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Pretty much everyone possible. 2008 was baby year.
4. Did anyone close to you die? A lot of old friends and family are pretty much dead to me. Does that count?
5. What countries did you visit? Viva la Argentina!
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? More dates.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? August 8 was the day my husband told me he wanted a divorce, August 11 was the day he told me he had an affair, and September 16 was the date the divorce was final. And then May 24 was my birthday, and it was fun.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Graduating.
9. What was your biggest failure? Being married.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Not actually.
11. What was the best thing you bought? Spring Break outlet shopping. That whole trip was a great success. And my movie ticket to Mamma Mia!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Mine. I think I was a pretty good person this year.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Both of the “he’s who must not be named,” (Parts I and II, thanks Tyler).
14. Where did most of your money go? Shopping. And post-divorce-stress-eating-and-skinnier-jeans.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going to Argentina. San Diego. Portland (I’m not going until 2009 but I bought tickets in 2008). Seeing the Stank and Anberlin. Boys. Graduation.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008? “Ever So Sweet” by The Early November. “Retrace” by Anberlin. “The Sun and the Moon” by Mae. All the songs on Mamma Mia.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: A) happier or sadder? A lot more sad. B) Thinner or fatter? Thinner. Yay, right? C) Richer or poorer? Hard to say. I would say richer because all my money is my own.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Travel. Avoided drama. Snuggling.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Sitting at the computer. Wasting time spent with lame peoples.
20. How did you spend Christmas? With my parents and more family in Argentina. And the cutest missionaries ever.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008? The jury is still out on that one.
22. What was your favorite TV program? Arrested Development.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Yes, the most unexpected of peoples, but I’m working on not. And I’m working on hating people I don’t. I’m all backwards in 2009.
24. What was the best book you read? Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Grapes of Wrath (again).
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Mae and the Brobecks.
26. What did you want and get? I can’t think of anything.
27. What did you want and not get? A baby.
28. What was your favorite film of this year? Mamma Mia!
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 25, and I can’t actually remember. My ex-husband was out with his girlfriend.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Mr. Dry Spell being someone slightly more attractive.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Whatever the crap I want to wear. Same as in other years. Lots more yoga pants from Old Navy though. And lots more hoodies.
32. What kept you sane? Friends, shopping, and my therapist.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I don’t know. Jude Law?
34. What political issue stirred you the most? I’m not stirred by political issues in general. But probably Prop 8 because of my conflicted feelings on the whole issue.
35. Who did you miss? Chad the most. But all Stringhams.
36. Who was the best new person you met? mmmmmmmmmmk! (PREC! I know, right?)
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. I learned all sorts of valuable life lessons. Probably the best one is just be true to yourself and love yourself for who you are. You’re the only person you can ever really depend on.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. So many. Every song on New Surrender (Anberlin) and The Everglow (Mae). Seriously, every single one. Buy them.

Sweet 16

1. What I want and what is good for me are NEVER the same and never have been. I can’t think of one time.  This is probably what has led my life to become an endless series of impulsive and/or bad decisions.
2. I am a loner. This is one of my better traits. There’s something to be said about being the type of person who can sit in a restaurant alone, and go see a movie by yourself on a Saturday night, and think that’s fun.
3. Contrary to what some might claim, I am generally pretty accomodating. When I think I’m getting in someone’s way or making something difficult for them, I have a tendency to stay up at night thinking how to make it up to them. But then there’s #4.
4. I was never really one of those people who thinks of really good things to do for people. I have a lot of friends who always knows just what to say and what to do when I’m having a bad day. That’s not me (probably because I’m not a people person).
5. I am probably the worst person in the world when it comes to any type of relationship things. I crush hard, come on too strong, flirt too shamelessly, and then sincerely refuse to move on. Ever. I still think this has mostly worked to my advantage.
6. I always hated school. And now that I’m done with it and plan on never going back ever again, I still don’t feel all that great about having graduated. I guess it kind of died.
7. I am absolutely in love with my friends. Most have been friends since junior high/high school. I don’t have friends I knew before then, and I haven’t made a lot of close friends in the past few years. This is probably because old friends are more comfortable because they knew me when I had braces.
8. I think that birthdays are always a big deal. It’s the one time a year when no one is saying, “Remember the true meaning!” because the true meaning of a birthday is, “Hey, I was born. Remember? Give me presents!” I will continue to hold birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese for the rest of my days.
9. More than anything else this life has to offer, I love going on trips. When I have a trip planned, I get so excited I pack a week ahead of time and can’t sleep at all. I’m going to Portland to hang out with a friend next week and can’t even take a quick nap because I’m so excited. Thanks for that J.
10. This isn’t really a secret. I don’t like kids much. I like some of my friends’ kids in doses, and I like my nieces and nephews in doses, but when I’m walking around and see a random kid doing something annoying, I usually just think it’s annoying.
11. I love therapy. If I have ever recommended therapy to you, please don’t get offended. I think everybody is seriously messed up on some level and would benefit.
12. I have wondered before (not saying how much) if it is possible that I have some mental disability and nobody’s telling me. Same thing about being tone deaf. I’m always worried I’m tone deaf and no one will say anything.
13. I might be the weirdest person ever. Not just for thinking that, but for posting it on my blog.
14. Mormon is a common adjective in my vocabulary. The other day I wrote an email saying I always thought I was too Mormon to like this song. Or when I explain me and Amanda going to the Hoobastank concert, I say how very Mormon I felt. The church is true.
15. I love dogs. I struck up a conversation in the airport bathroom this morning with a lady because she was holding a dog. They are natural ice breakers, which is only reason #2901 why I love them.
16. I love the number 4.

And that is all.

Doing SE Hinton Proud

I am behind on blogging. I know and I am ashamed. I guess that happens  when you are forced to cancel internet service and depend on other people’s computers to please all of your adoring fans. It has been a doozy of a couple of weeks, I’ll tell you what. It all started with me, Amanda, and a billion crazy emo fans at the Anberlin/Hoobastank concert…

Amanda and I were the old Mormon misfits who looked at each other skeptically when the guy got up onstage and yelled “F*** Christmas!” repeatedly. He then proceeded to yell all of us “motherf***ers” to high heaven (I think just the fact that I used the term “high heaven” disqualifies me from ever fitting in at a concert) for not contributing to the f***ing cancer donation jar, not even one measley f***ing dollar. Because apparently we’re a bunch of “f***ing sons of b****es.”

All in good fun, naturally. And I’m feeling super motivated to donate to cancer research now. What about you?

Erstwhile (I’m not sure what that means, but I like it), I am in love with The Brobecks, a new emoish favorite of mine. Download Goodnight Socialite. Good.

dreams do come true

My two most favorite things ever are Hoobastank and Anberlin. I was just a little bit devastated when Anberlin came to Salt Lake and I didn’t get to go.

Well! Imagine my surprise when I decided on a whim to see if Hoobastank was still alive, and found that Anberlin and Hoobastank are both going to be at “The Nightmare Before X-Mas” show this Friday, and I just bought tickets! I might have to go alone since I’m not sure anyone still knows who Hoobastank is, or ever knew who Anberlin was… but that’s okay. One less bum for the lovely and talented Stephen Christian to sign.

I heart my life.

100 Loves

I told you I would do it Mike. Never underestimate me. Ever again. You’ll be so sorry. Even more sorry than you were after you read this whole list. (I will quiz you to make sure you read it, too. So watch it.)

1. thumbs ups
2. temple pie
3. coconut
4. laughing
5. mashed potatoes
6. shrimp
7. outback steakhouse
8. gmail
9. most attractive boys
10. my blog
11. parakeets chirping
12. pomeranians
13. old people
14. places that serve pancakes all day
15. some people’s babies
16. pugs
17. emails from long lost friends
18. IM conversations that make you lol
19. being me
20. “that is all.”
21. puppies
22. bear cubs
23. smell of smoke in the fall
24. headbands
25. earrings
26. interesting necklines
27. high heels
28. funny “read over again” texts
29. colorful things
30. good quality facial hair
31. validation
32. the jeans i’m wearing today
33. not acting my age
34. my graduation shoes
35. hoobastank
36. marigolds
37. compliments
38. anberlin
39. chopin nocturnes
40. regina spektor
41. singing
42. my therapist
43. turquoise
44. ralph lauren cologne
45. bags
46. sales
47. hippi
48. snuggling
49. anberlin
50. library books
51. ballpoint pen smell
52. google reader
53. funny columns
54. flirty boys
55. biosilk silk therapy
56. blog comments
57. yoga pants
58. jeans that fit
59. my last name
60. biolage shampoo and conditioner
61. loud music
62. holding hands
63. peacoats
64. hoodies
65. autumn leaves
66. stella
67. having a new driveway. maybe.
68. master suites
69. blankets
70. polka dots
71. chi
72. squeezits
73. feta
74. cookies with a hint of cinnamon
75. juice boxes
76. rachmaninoff
77. engagement rings
78. old pictures
79. hats
80. men in suits
81. ovaltine
82. nailpolish
83. my flash drive
84. dusters (sweaters)
85. my couch
86. ellen degeneres
87. 30 rock
88. zoolander
89. will ferrell
90. making collages
91. pasta
92. cheese quesadillas the molly way
93. tina fey
94. hilarious one liners
95. pink, orange, or purple ties
96. houndstooth
97. the number four
98. hot showers
99. wild honeysuckle (bath&body works)
100. thinking about kissing

Yup. That just happened. Embrace it.

weekend update

This is not going to be nearly as exciting as SNL’s weekend updates, but here’s what we’ve got so far.

I was supposed to go on a blind date tonight with Beckie’s friend’s boyfriend’s friend tonight. However, last night I had an experience that discouraged me from even thinking about dating another boy for as long as I live. Okay, a little dramatic. But whatever. Anyway, I didn’t want to go, and this friend of a friend of a friend of a friend seemed incredibly shallow (read: absolutely not datable, not even once) when he requested a photo. Okay, he did get one. But I guess he wanted to make sure I was of adequate build I suppose because he asked for one that showed all of me, not just my face. Awesome, huh? I don’t think I have anything to hide. A little chubby around the edges. But I didn’t like the feeling of being under such scrutiny before a date even happened, so we’ll forget about that.

I chose to go down to Salt Lake anyway and me and Beckie had a date. She “Indian giver”ed me the most awesome pair of shoes that, despite being a size too big (and a size and a half on my right foot), were amazingly hot. And a dress that is most unflattering but I love it anyway. And then I looked at her scrapbook and found a host of most amazing pictures of the two of us throughout the years. Overalls never looked quite so hot and angsty as they were when Beckie and I when we wore them in high school pretty much constantly. I’m looking forward someday (as in Tuesday at the lab) to taking all of my old dance pictures and scanning them in and posting them on Facebook. Seriously awesome.

So after too many Del Taco tacos (too many as in one), I headed over to Meghan’s house where I ate a ton of her cookies (which are in competition with Natalie’s cookies–it’s a toss-up) and fell asleep, granny that I am, while watching Mad Money (not Katie Holmes/Diane Keaton movie, but some TV show that talks about money–what?) of all things. I woke up from my granny nap at 9:30 and am now blogging all about it as if it were exciting somehow. I think what I wanted to talk about in this blog was my apparent lack of really significant dating. Allow me to present the evidence.

Exhibit A. I am emotionally unavailable and should therefore stay away from guys who are emotionally unavailable. But I do it and it’s pretty much the most fun I have ever had while non-dating. Me and this person get along rather famously when we’re face to face but it makes me feel generally angstier than hell when I don’t see him. So there’s that. And when you sit and look back on things, we have dated. Quite a bit, actually. But they’re not dates because we don’t give them a title. I’m not being sarcastic. These nondates are fun and I can’t help it. Don’t judge me.

Exhibit B. This is what my therapist would call my karmic relationship. It is the exact opposite of what my relationship with Exhibit A is like. At least it was back when we were dating. The past two weeks. Three times. Everything is perfect except one crucial element, which makes me sad but is pretty major. Sad that this was really my only hope for a normal dating experience. He asked me to stay in Utah a la every favorite chick flick ever. He opened the door for me. He made me feel like I was the only person on earth. He was super affectionate. And he always made sure I had everything I wanted, including chocolate cake. But there’s that one thing missing that has to be there.

Exhibit C. Remember how everyone is dating someone except me? I don’t want to get anyone in trouble here so I’m going to be as very vague as I possibly can. What is with guys from my past who are in relationships (albeit relationships of meager levels of seriousness) wanting to nondate me? On my way down to Provo I somehow made plans with two guys from my past who are both in relationships with other people. Both conversations contained a common sentence. Both guys said at some point, “Oh, but this is not a date.” Right. So we’re going out and doing something but it’s not a date because you say it’s not. That makes sense.

Oh, and check out my angsty playlist of angsty angst songs to angstily listen to while you’re angstily driving around feeling the angst of angstiness.

• Anberlin – Retrace
• Anberlin – Haight St.
• Brand New – Quiet Things that No One Ever Knows (I blew out a speaker I think)
• The Early November – Ever So Sweet
• Mae – We’re So Far Away
• Mae – Suspension
• John Legend – Get Lifted
• Regina Spektor – Carbon Monoxide
• Regina Spektor – Us
• Hoobastank – The Reason
• Hoobastank – Born to Lead
• Hoobastank – Out of Control
• Hawthorne Heights – DISASTER
• Earth, Wind & Fire – Dancing in September

So that’s about it. I have two nondates to attend to tomorrow and even though it was made quite clear that neither of them are dates (girlfriends don’t respond well to their boyfriends going out with other girls–go figure), I still feel the need to look exceptionally hot. Figure that one out.

hush now don’t you cry

It’s been less than a day since I blogged last so I feel like I need to again. Because I’m that bored. I have been thinking about my previous blog about my top three songs and now every time I listen to any music I think about that blog and its incompleteness. I’m still not any closer to finding my third favorite song, and I have since taken “Why: Part 2″ down and so now I have two more songs to fill the void.

No offense, but I didn’t like any of the suggestions people gave. My top three music list will probably always have just one song on it since my music tastes change every two seconds. However, at this very moment, at exactly 10:10 a.m. in the morning on November 3, 2008, these are my favorite songs of this particular moment but are probably not candidates for top three ever (in no particular order):

1. Can a piece by Chopin make it to the list? Because Nocturne in Eb minor should probably at least be in the running. Along with every other Nocturne my man Frederic wrote. And Tchaikovsky’s Piano Concerto in C. And Rachmaninoff’s Prelude in C#. And… I think that’s it.
2. Yes, I know this probably makes me lame (almost as lame as my love for Styx makes me) but Silent Lucidity by Queensryche is quite possibly the most beautiful song ever sung. I have heard other songs by Queensryche. I didn’t like them. I love this song.
3. The Secret. Maroon 5. Adam Levine. I love him. I love his whole life. I love that he was born. I love that he is living and breathing right now. He is the best person ever. This song is the best ever. I love it too much for it to even be healthy. Adam is kind of pervy but I kind of like it.
4. I’m sorry, but I still love The Reason by Hoobastank. I still think it’s amazing, and I still love Born to Lead by the stank, but The Reason is still my favorite stankiness despite its overplayedness on the radio. When it used to be on the radio. I never got sick of it. I think because it reminds me of my therapist in a weird way. It’s like our therapy love song. It’s odd.
5. Right now, Anberlin’s Retrace would make it. It has that angsty love song feel without being a love song at all. So you know, I love all love songs that aren’t really love songs at all (such as #4 on this list). They make me feel angsty about life. Not love. Because that wouldn’t make sense. Obviously.
6. To appease the Brand New gods, Quiet Things that No One Ever Knows might as well be added. It has probably the best first 30 seconds of any song ever. It comes up on my mp3 player and I listen to 30 seconds… and then start it over and listen to 30 seconds. I do this with the last minute of Mae’s Sun and the Moon too.
7. And although I have no commentary on it, the only song I will ever love by U2 is All I Want Is You. It makes me so incredibly angsty. Not about life. About love. Because it’s just that way.

And by all means, keep sending me suggestions because this list is not about to end soon if I don’t hurry and post this stupid thing.

FBR v 3.0 with Service Pack 2

To Type Awesome Amanda, I have posted a picture of the topic of my said antidate, and yes, he is easy (or so I thought), and yes, he is rather attractive and absolutely not on the market at the moment. And I hesitated just briefly actually posting his picture in the name of anonymity, but FBR v 3.0 is nothing if not exceptionally arrogant and probably joys in the fact that I dedicated this paragraph to him, with the following dedicatory statement: “Dear FBR v 3.0, you are exceptionally not horrible to look all upons.”

And now on to other things. Except I have no other things to write about. Amanda mentioned that I hadn’t written about my birds in a while. Well, they are still birds. And they are still my birds. And this week’s episode of SVU was incredibly creepy, which makes me happy that my birds are all named after such wonderful characters. They are still not hand trained (see, I do recognize my failure on behalf of my birds, FBR) and probably won’t be until they pass on to the place where all righteous animals go when they die. They will not see Otis there but Ramses wil probably unwittingly place a giant paw on them and crush them to bits. I’m going to miss those little featherbrains.

In recent news, I’m still going to my counselor. I still have ten crushes and by ten, I mean two. I guess after all the rebounding wore itself out, this is what we ended up with. One we know and the other, my preferred crush, we don’t talk about anymore. I think this is why I need so much extensive therapy. Tomorrow I plan to discuss my screwed up opposite sex issues with Mr. Therapy Man (who I guess could be considered a third crush since I embroidered his name into my couches twenty times, have a picture of him hanging up on every wall in my house, and am currently in the process of Photoshopping his head onto every picture I have of me and anyone standing in close proximity to each other, and since I always refer to our sessions as dates and have to mentally coach myself to not ask him to come hang out with me on a daily basis). I plan to tell him that so far his efforts to get me to be more open and honest with people has failed miserably and has landed me a permanent spot on my couch contemplating what the heck is happening? And where did I go wrong? And why I’m still so hungry after eating twenty lean cuisines?

In the meantime, I am going now to buy my BFF band Anberlin’s new CD (please don’t click on that link-for some reason their website has not been updated since Cities came out; that CD made me disappointed). And possibly a bike. And on the way home, who knows? I’ll probably go eat some Mexican children (code for Burger King Happy Meals), rock out to some ‘Stank… no, new and improved Anberlin (w00t!), and make out with a dude. All at once.

Be jealous.